What Is Emotional Acceptance?

Often, when we have an uncomfortable feeling, such as sadness, fear or shame, our first reaction is to reject that feeling. We may tell ourselves that the feeling is a “bad feeling” that we do not want to have. Next, we may do something to try to get rid of the feeling, such as trying to push the feeling away or using drugs or alcohol to feel better.

Certainly, no one wants to walk around feeling emotional pain all of the time, but when we reject our emotions, we may actually make things worse for ourselves (see this article on problems associated with suppressing emotions). And often, emotions arise because they give us helpful information about the world. So sometimes getting rid of emotions is not the best idea.

An alternative is learning to accept your emotional experiences. Accepting means that you practice allowing your emotions to be what they are, without judging them or trying to change them. Acceptance means letting go of attempts to control your emotions and learning that emotions themselves cannot harm you (although, the things we do to try to get rid of emotions, i.e., using alcohol, can harm you).

Accepting Emotions Is Not Resigning Yourself to Pain

It is important to make the distinction between acceptance and resignation. Accepting emotions do not mean that you resign yourself to always feeling terrible or wallowing in pain. It also doesn't mean that you hold on to painful emotions or try to push yourself to experience emotional pain. Acceptance simply means being aware of your emotions and accepting them for what they are right now.

As a metaphor for acceptance, imagine that you are a soldier who has fought a long battle with your emotions. Acceptance is the act of putting down your weapons and walking away from the fight. You are not resigning yourself to be beat up by your emotions; you are simply letting go of the struggle.

In some ways, accepting emotions means also accepting that emotions will change. When we are happy, we have to accept that it is a short-term condition: we will not always be happy. Also, when we are sad, this is a short-term condition too.